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Saturday, 25 August 2012

"It's Always Easier If You've Got A Hobby"

Passing acquaintances have taken to giving me helpful advice now I've retired . They say things like "It takes a while to get used to ...", "It helps to have a hobby ... " , "There's always volunteer work ..."and , of course the classic "A good pension is vital ..." The lovely hairdresser I found ( who had just called her salon The Hairdresser and therefore was the obvious choice ) was the only sensible one to date . "Don't jump into anything . Enjoy doing exactly what you want , when you want ..."
All uneccessary in my case . I've taken to idleness like a pig to mud . But I see two neighbours are having problems . Two big hearty men who've worked in the building trade , man and boy , seem to have been totally surprised by retirement and are adrift .
One spent his first week hacking down a rather hideous evergreen in his front garden with what looked like a fretsaw . By week two he was uprooting the stump with a trowel and by week three he was outside gouging weeds from between the crazy paving with a kitchen knife .
The other is more mechanically minded and spent the first week power-cleaning all the rugs in the house , having draped them over the pergola . By week two he'd run out of rugs and his dog looked as though it would cry if taken for another walk . This week he'd found a new pastime . He's acquired a blowtorch attachment for a large domestic gas canister and has been blasting the weeds between the paving stones up his side of the street .
My new hobby ? Well , let's call it people-watching .

Friday, 10 August 2012

Toast, anyone?

Bring back the days of the toasting fork, by investing in this 2012 version of the electric toaster! From light gold to charred brown, the colour of your slice of bread will rely on your dexterity, skill and, let us not forget, olfactory input, which will probably alert you to  when it may be advisable to call the fire brigade, instead of reaching for the butter...

Wednesday, 8 August 2012

Spoiled For Choice

I'd forgotten that my hairdresser goes away for the summer and , already looking like a Shetland pony , I need a trim . I hauled out the phone book and started hunting through all the Beauty Specialists .
Now , if you were going to open a beauty salon , what would you call it ? After all , the Yellow Pages lists hundreds of them . So a snappy name is a must .Wendy obviously feels that her combination of hair styling and pedicures will draw them in to her Haarvoetiek ( HairFootique , see how clever ? ) , though Voetsievoet probably does well , too .

You do have to be practical , though . With any luck you'll do well and get a lot of calls . I pity the poor receptionist at one local place every time she answers the 'phone ..... "Good morning ! " This is The All Beauty Sense Of Well-Being Salon . How may I help you? "
Anyway , just to get my money's worth , I'm thinking I might skip all the massage , toning and snipping and get straight to the point . Perhaps I'll stuff my hair in a turban and head to Blinding Beauty Visagie .

Friday, 3 August 2012

My Dad had one of these . . .

He stored his cigarettes under his bowler  . .  till one day he set fire to it and couldn't stop smoking. Pity no one ever developed a walking stick with a built-in smoke alarm, or even better, a fire-extinguisher.