Have you all seen this one?

After Quasimodo's death, the bishop of the Cathedral of Notre Dame sent word through the streets of Paris that a new bell ringer was needed.

The bishop decided that he would conduct the interviews personally and went up into the belfry to begin the screening process.

After observing several applicants demonstrate their skills, he had decided to call it a day.

Just then, an armless man approached him and announced that he was there to apply for the bell ringer's job. The bishop was incredulous.

'You have no arms !'

'No matter,' said the man. 'Observe !'

And he began striking the bells with his face, producing a beautiful melody on the carillon.

The bishop listened in astonishment; convinced he had finally found a replacement for Quasimodo.

But suddenly, as he rushed forward to strike the bell, the armless man tripped and plunged headlong out of the belfry window to his death in the street below.

The stunned bishop rushed down two hundred and ninety five church steps, when he reached the street, a crowd had gathered around the fallen figure, drawn by the beautiful music they had heard only moment before.

As they silently parted to let the bishop through, one of them asked,

'Bishop, who was this man ?'.

'I don't know his name,' the bishop sadly replied,



( scroll down )





' ................ BUT HIS FACE RINGS A BELL'



WAIT ! WAIT ! There's more


The following day, despite the sadness that weighed heavily on his heart due to the unfortunate death of the armless campanologist, the bishop continued his interviews for the bell ringer of Notre Dame.

The first man to approach him said, 'Your Excellency, I am the brother of the poor armless wretch that fell to his death from this very belfry yesterday.

I pray that you honour his life by allowing me to replace him in this duty.'

The bishop agreed to give the man an audition, and, as the armless man's brother stooped to pick up a mallet to strike the first bell, he groaned, clutched at his chest, twirled around, and died on the spot.

Two monks, hearing the bishop's cries of grief at this second tragedy, rushed up the stairs to his side.

'What has happened ? Who is this man ?' the first monk asked breathlessly.



'I don't know his name,' sighed the distraught bishop, 'but..'





(. . . Wait for it ...)




(.. . . It's worth it.. ..)






'HE'S A DEAD RINGER FOR HIS BROTHER.'

Fun for Lexophiles

* A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.
* A will is a dead giveaway.
* Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
* A backward poet writes inverse.
* A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.
* When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
* The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.
* You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
* He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.
* A calendar's days are numbered.
* A boiled egg is hard to beat.
* He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
* The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison: a small medium at large.
* Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
* When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.
* If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine.
* When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.
* Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
* Acupuncture: a jab well done.
* Marathon runners with bad shoes suffer the agony of de feet.
* The roundest knight at king Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
* I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
* She was only a whisky maker, but he loved her still.
* A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.
* No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
* A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
* Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
* A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
* Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
* I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
* A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'
* A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, 'No change yet.'
* The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
* Don't join dangerous cults: practice safe sects.

Patty-Cake Pussies

Fridge Soupers and cat lovers everywhere might enjoy this video



The voice-over was added after the video recording was shot. Over 11 million views on YouTube, apparently.

Pilling the dogs

Medicating dogs is a variable business.

Some dogs will happily take and swallow anything that comes from a human hand.

Some dogs, I hear (I've never lived with one of them) will scarf up a pill that is simply dropped on the floor in front of them. Maybe it's good I have never lived with one of those dogs: I drop a lot of things, pills of every description included.

Some dogs require peanut butter as a buffer. They love peanut butter so much that they'll lick up a whole glob of it and get so interested in removing the sticky goo from the roofs of their mouths that they don't even notice the pills.

For those who believe that specially made products 

are the answer, there are Greenies Pill Pockets ...

. . . and something called Medi-Crunch...

 

. . . and any number of other gimmicky items that Other People use successfully. I've heard the happy stories. It is my opinion that if a dog likes a Pill Pocket or a Medi-Crunch, they'd like any old thing that one could smear over the medication, but then . . . after, lo, these many years, I have become jaded about the whole topic.

My dogs were quite easily fooled, for months, by dabs of butter. Then we moved on to a liverwurst disguise.

No more.

Ground beef seems to be working these days.

At $3.99 per pound.

But thank God they aren't spoiled.

Pieces of a book

I read this book months ago, and made notes of some of its descriptions. I have had these waiting for a post on Aging Gratefully and I haven't done it yet, so this qualifies as Fridge Soup material.

I don't know that I think the descriptions are mellifluous (the first one makes me think of those lists of students' similes . . . "her teeth were straight and white as a picket fence..." that are just . . . unfortunate) but they strike me as so creative!

For book review click here--> Deceit by James Siegel

page 91

Staring at me with those muted features, as if he'd somehow missed his final trimester as a fetus.

page 97  This struck me as a useful bit of free psychotherapy.

I'm perpetually famished for love and approval----this according to Dr. Payne, who tried mightily to delve into the underlying reasons for my sociopathic behavior.
You had an absent father and an alcoholic and abusive mother, he concluded, so what else would you do but seek massive and extreme pats on the back?

Sounded sensible to me.

page 102  I think this one's kind of . . . awful...

I'd woken up with what felt like a stupid grin on my face. It was confirmed when I stared in the shower-fogged mirror and didn't see Mr. Dour staring back.

page 119

There was a brief silence, as if her allusion to sex had consumed all available air, then I asked her how her father was doing.

page 141  What? How does this happen?

Luiza's little body followed her head through the door.
She averted my eyes...

page 218

"Right," Nate said, "That's going to be easy," exhibiting a sarcasm rare for him. Maybe it was his newly wounded heart----there he was skating through life, and he'd gone and taken his first tumble. He was all skinned innocence and bloodied optimism.

page 237

"The doctor says Nate's going to be fine. He was very lucky. The bullet went right through his rib cage----it missed his major arteries."
She kept nodding up and down, up and down, drinking in the news in big thirsty gulps.

This Needs Sharing....

I discovered it a moment ago thanks to  Don't Feed The Pixies and thought how well it describes namby pambies the world over...

Direct From London

Seen in London's Evening Standard on Tuesday:

At least some Londoners are keeping their sense of humour in the face of adversity . This from @Punbelievable: "Reports from Hampton Court Palace suggest a small quartet of men in heraldic costume have just begun luting" .

I bet...

I bet this will be the first time you've ever seen a post box wearing a brick hat...
.

                                                      

 or a hat as glamorous as this one!

Both were spotted in Havant this morning, at 9.30 a.m. What sights a gal can see when she's out without a gun, but with a camera....

Guilt

He stood in the checkout queue just before me . With a big , goofy grin , stubbly and simple , he glanced about , laughing to himself and jerking . Like everyone else , I avoided eye-contact .
His turn came , the girl asked for 60 cents , he turned over a few coins in his hand and held them out . She took three 20 cent coins , rang it up and thanked him, wishing him a pleasant weekend , and off he shuffled .
I paid for the couple of last minute bits and pieces I'd picked up and went out to collect my bike .
He was perched awkwardly on the bike rack , opening the packet of cheap luncheon meat he'd bought . He sniffed it nervously and peered at the label .
"Mevrouw? Can I ask something ? What day is it ?"
"Saturday". Then I realised that he needed the date .
"It's the 30th ." He peered again at the label .
"Can I help you? ", I had to ask and went over .
The sell by date was in August so I could reassure him it was good . But what was he going to eat it with ?
"Wouldn't you like some bread with it?", offering him the only thing I had that roughly corresponded .... raisin bread .
"Oh , no . I have bread "and he smiled happily . He opened his tatty plastic bag and showed me two curling slices of the cheapest supermarket bread , resting on top of some old clothes .
I wished him Bon Appetit and left him tucking in to his feast . But I should have taken him home .... he was just a not very bright three-year old , lost until the homeless hostel opened again at 6.

Today , while waiting in our accountant's reception area , I noticed a defibrillator on the wall .