Well, I never! Things you can learn from Daytime TV

A woman on a day-time TV antiques show, picking up a metal ring with regularly spaced peaks, says:

“This reminds me of King Alfred’s crown”. (Alfred the Great was king of Wessex from 871-899)

In an aside to the professional dealer who accompanies each team, she says, very audibly, making sure the TV audience doesn’t miss it: “I am descended from Royalty, you know.”

“Really,” says the antiques dealer, “go on then, give.”

“Well,” says the woman, “King Henry VIII (King of England 1509-1547) was my great-grandmother’s brother .” She is deadly serious about her statement and nods earnestly.

The antiques dealer doesn’t bat an eyelid and, as smooth as oil, purrs “You’ve worn well, then.”

King Alfred’s crown turns out to be a kitchen appliance for hanging things on.