Is it just me?

I'll tell you what's embarrassing.  (I know you didn't ask, but I'm telling you anyway.)  It's when the noises your tummy is making (gurgle, gurgle, big-mega gurgle) are louder than the verbal contributions you are making to a meeting at work - and perhaps more interesting.

I'll tell you what else is embarrassing.  (Ditto. Ssh.)  It's when you can't leave the office because, as you tried to leave, the doorhandle went up the sleeve of your jacket so that you are trapped for a second or two and then ping back into the room.

I'll tell you what else is embarrassing.  (Ditto.  Will ya leave off?) It's when the phone rings in the office and you are eating a toffee, but you're the only one there to answer, and then it turns out to be someone who wants to talk about important things and not things-to-discuss-while-going-nom-nom-nom.

I'll tell you what else ...

No, okay.  I give in.  Go back to your newspaper.

It’s a slow day in the so. of Fr.

 

A farmer wants to ferry a (giant) cabbage, a goat, and a wolf across a river in a boat. The problem is that the boat is small: besides the farmer it can carry at most one of the cabbage, the goat, and the wolf. To make things worse, without the farmer's supervision the goat would chew on the cabbage, and the wolf would chew on the goat. What is the minimum number of river crossings the farmer must make to accomplish his goal without the possibility of damage to the cabbage or the goat? (This is not a trick question, so creative shortcuts, such as taping the animal's mouth, roping the cabbage to the goat's back, etc., are not to be considered.)
a) 5
b) 7
c) 9
d) 11
e) he cannot do it in any number of crossings

 

 

 

Note to FTSE:  I know you’ll get it before the end of sentence #2, but let’s make the other soupers stew for a while!   

Continuing The Theme

What's in a name?

Do you have a problem
with a face you cannot name?
As you see someone approaching,
do you hang your head in shame,
then mutter 'Hello Mr Er..?'

while thinking 'What's-'is- name?
I get covered in confusion
but no matter how I try,
the name is not forthcoming,
it's enough to make one cry!

The faces I remember -
I could draw them if I must -
and it's nowt to do with ageing,
or pipes turning to rust.
It just that I was born this way,
without a naming filter -
or if I had one, it soon got
completely out of kilter!
So forgive me, should I see you,
that I merely smile and say
'Hello, my dear old buddy,
nice to meet you here today!'

You're Not Called That ?

Sonata:
I've got a fatal flaw ( well , I may have several but today we're talking about this one in particular ) .
I tend to hear names differently and and , once settled as such in my head , so they stay .
My ex-mother in law had a friend called Molly Wood who eventually became Folly Wood to everyone , not just me .The wholefood chain "Fresh and Wild " became "Wet and Wild " , though the Stoke Newington branch , at least , is perfectly tame and a rather pleasant place to buy herb teas .
But this week our employer has decreed that it's that time again . Team-building , Exchanging Information , Sharing ... call it what you like . All the playgroup workers in town will have dinner in a local restaurant , enjoy each other's company and bond .
When I first heard where we were going , I heard Woks' R Us . Well , I'd never been to a wok palace .
The whole family had fun thinking of other suitable names for a wok joint . "You'll Never Wok Alone" , "Wok On The Wild Side" , "Wok On By" .
Actually it turns out to be called Mei Wha , wok palace just being a generic name for a eat-as-much-stirfry-as-you-can place .
"My Way"anyone ?

By the way , the Beatles are back .
There are posters in the local supermarket with their photo on and everything . Beatles Revival in huge red letters too .But I can't help wondering if the impresario hasn't got it a bit wrong . Is the church hall going to be big enough ?

A Poetic Reference

“Ah, but a man's reach should exceed his grasp, or what's a heaven for?”

 

Robert Browning (not pictured)

 

Kids, eh?

Please send YOUR answers anywhere except to Dr.FTSE

Would you steal an abandoned boiled sweet?

I saw it there, sitting on a table in the staff room at school, at 4pm.  A boiled sweet (a Murray mint, for the initiated), alone and unclaimed.  I looked at it.  For a long time.  Then turned my back and went back down to the office.

At 5pm, I had to come back up to do some photocopying.  The boiled sweet was still there, in exactly the same place.  (Surely if someone really wanted it and had mislaid it, they would have come looking .....)  I did my photocopying.  Then I looked at the sweet again.  For a long, long time.  Then turned my back and went back down to the office.

At 6pm, I had to come back up to check a duty rota before I went home.  It had been three hours since I'd had anything to eat or drink.  I was tired.  I was weary.  My mouth was dry.  And, as I stood and looked at the sweet, everything I'd ever believed about morality was crumbling.

At 6.03, after much consideration ....

I'll leave you to guess.