"It's Always Easier If You've Got A Hobby"

Passing acquaintances have taken to giving me helpful advice now I've retired . They say things like "It takes a while to get used to ...", "It helps to have a hobby ... " , "There's always volunteer work ..."and , of course the classic "A good pension is vital ..." The lovely hairdresser I found ( who had just called her salon The Hairdresser and therefore was the obvious choice ) was the only sensible one to date . "Don't jump into anything . Enjoy doing exactly what you want , when you want ..."
All uneccessary in my case . I've taken to idleness like a pig to mud . But I see two neighbours are having problems . Two big hearty men who've worked in the building trade , man and boy , seem to have been totally surprised by retirement and are adrift .
One spent his first week hacking down a rather hideous evergreen in his front garden with what looked like a fretsaw . By week two he was uprooting the stump with a trowel and by week three he was outside gouging weeds from between the crazy paving with a kitchen knife .
The other is more mechanically minded and spent the first week power-cleaning all the rugs in the house , having draped them over the pergola . By week two he'd run out of rugs and his dog looked as though it would cry if taken for another walk . This week he'd found a new pastime . He's acquired a blowtorch attachment for a large domestic gas canister and has been blasting the weeds between the paving stones up his side of the street .
My new hobby ? Well , let's call it people-watching .

Toast, anyone?

Bring back the days of the toasting fork, by investing in this 2012 version of the electric toaster! From light gold to charred brown, the colour of your slice of bread will rely on your dexterity, skill and, let us not forget, olfactory input, which will probably alert you to  when it may be advisable to call the fire brigade, instead of reaching for the butter...

Spoiled For Choice

I'd forgotten that my hairdresser goes away for the summer and , already looking like a Shetland pony , I need a trim . I hauled out the phone book and started hunting through all the Beauty Specialists .
Now , if you were going to open a beauty salon , what would you call it ? After all , the Yellow Pages lists hundreds of them . So a snappy name is a must .Wendy obviously feels that her combination of hair styling and pedicures will draw them in to her Haarvoetiek ( HairFootique , see how clever ? ) , though Voetsievoet probably does well , too .


You do have to be practical , though . With any luck you'll do well and get a lot of calls . I pity the poor receptionist at one local place every time she answers the 'phone ..... "Good morning ! " This is The All Beauty Sense Of Well-Being Salon . How may I help you? "
Anyway , just to get my money's worth , I'm thinking I might skip all the massage , toning and snipping and get straight to the point . Perhaps I'll stuff my hair in a turban and head to Blinding Beauty Visagie .

My Dad had one of these . . .

He stored his cigarettes under his bowler  . .  till one day he set fire to it and couldn't stop smoking. Pity no one ever developed a walking stick with a built-in smoke alarm, or even better, a fire-extinguisher.

A Handy Tip

We're all steadily getting heftier ... not you personally , I hasten to add , but in general . And even the BBC blames McDonalds and Eat Your Own Weight In Pizzas establishments for the trend . But a cookery book I was given today on retirement ( one of several .... either Husband has complained or I look as greedy as , in fact , I am ) had some sterling advice at the end of a recipe for Croque Monsieur .

" For a more sober version make only one Croque Monsieur per person and serve with a small salad " .

Guardian Masterclass

Do you have a spare £299? (Inclusive of VAT and booking Fee!) And two spare days in October 2012?

If so, you could learn how to write a blog. The course will examine the essential questions which must be addressed if you wish to write a blog that people will want to read. Sessions cover how to find a voice, a subject and a form; the dynamic relationship between images and text and different strategies in transforming a conversation into an effective written evocation of a personality.

And there you were, thinking all it takes to write a blog is telling people about your dog, your aunt Mary's skill with baking cupcakes and the fact that the sun and moon rise and shine at different times of the day and night.

More Helpful Advice

Waking up yesterday morning with hedgehogs samba-ing in my eye sockets , I started using some drops I keep for the luckily rare attack of conjunctivitis . Being responsible and sensible , I re-acquainted myself with the instructions . After all , it's my eyes we're talking about here .

That's good to know . I need my sleep .